Couldnt See The Blood
by TheOneWhoReadsFanfiction
Summary: Remember this, my dear, dear Squirreflight. I m only doing this because I love you so. Ashfur oneshot. First story.


**Hello, everyone! I`m new here, and this is my first story. Well, more like a drabble, actually. **

**This is a little Ashfur oneshot. It takes place sometime before the fire in Long Shadows. **

**To all Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight fans out there, I mean no offense! I actually like them both, but Ashfur`s story is just so… compelling. I know hundreds of oneshots have been written about this, but I just had to write about him! **

**BLAH. I`ll stop talking now. On with the story! Enjoy! **

I didn`t understand it.

Or I should say I didn`t understand _you._

I tried to make sense of it- trust me. You have no idea. No idea how many nights I spent, wide awake while everyone else was asleep. All the times, time that perhaps could have been put to better use.

I would have been there for you.

Didn't you notice? The way I always stood up for you. All the time, my time, that I threw away to be with you. Is this what happens to the ignorant? Is this what happens when a cat opens his heart to another?

You said we could still be friends. That you still cared you me.

You _liar._

You left me. You gave me hope, and threw me away, like an old piece of fresh kill. Was that all I was to you? Nothing?

I couldn`t understand. I still can`t understand. Were you using me?

Was I your little _experiment? _

After that…. And after all that….

All the times we spent together. Your bright ginger fur, always so slick and groomed. Your beautiful, oh so riveting green eyes, sparkling with mischief. Your bushy tail, swishing from side to side, flicking my muzzle playfully.

The times we spent talking.

The Gatherings in which we sat next to each other.

The times when I leapt to your aid, when you were fighting.

_With him. _

Maybe it was it my fault. I was too ignorant. I thought we had it all. Maybe I broke my own heart.

You just gave it up.

Tell me, do you even know what that`s like to be betrayed like that? By the one cat you`d give your life for? I only cared about you. I would have done anything for you!

I would have died for you.

I am dying for you.

Every day, I watch you with _him. _You fur brushing oh so lovingly up against his, your tails twined in certainty of partnership. Soft words and licks exchanged, whispering sweet promises of dedication and caring. Your beautiful kits growing up around you.

Those could have been _our _kits.

I`ve always wanted a family. _Don`t_ tell me to find someone else, because there is no one else. I want _you_, like a kit needs its mother.

I can`t.

I can`t. Instead, I watch you and him, and wonder if I ever had that chance, if I ever stood a chance.

Probably not.

Every. Single. Day.

Every.

Single.

Day.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

And again.

I`m bleeding. With each day that passes, I bleed a little more. I can _feel_ it. Pouring out of me, spilling down on to the rocks, through the blades of grass, filling up the hollow that we call home.

My heartache is the only thing keeping me alive. I cling to it, like clinging to the edge of a cliff. My claws unsheathed, grasping onto whatever shall keep me alive.

Though I`m starting to slip.

I can`t hang on much longer.

I _won't. Why should I? _

Why do I waste my time loving you? It`s obvious that I mean less than nothing to you. You say you care for me, you say we can be friends.

Friends. How ironic.

No. More.

It`s time for you to realize you`ve done to me. You _filthy liar, you little sneak. _

I will show you what you`ve done. I can display to you the destruction that eventually causes a cats heart to give way, fracturing into impossibly small pieces.

Those pieces will haunt you for the rest of your life. I can take away everything you hold dear. I can. I will.

When I fall, you`re coming down with me.

Remember this though, my dear, dear Squirrelflight. I`m only doing this because I love you so.

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are very welcomed! **


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